fracture

last night i tried to go to bed, but i couldn't fall asleep, so i ended up taking a sleeping pill and drifting off somewhere between 2 and 2:30. the night before that, i had a breakdown because i was too scared to go to sleep. and tonight... i just feel tired. not the "i'm going to go to sleep" tired. but the fed-up kind of tired. i do not know, how long i can keep this up. i feel so passionless. like nothing i try to do will end up okay. like everything i touch will float away. my inspiration is gone... and i'm frightened.
tonight, i think i'm going to take a bubble bath... and read a book... and try not to think about anything. but i might dream. i dreamed last night, i can't remember what it was. i've been dreaming for the past 4 days, which is strange for me. i don't want to dream tonight. it's been stressing me out, i've been eating like a maniac...
when i was in 6th grade, i got tired of being fat, so i would set my alarm for 5AM, about 45 minutes before my dad would come and wake me up, and i would go take my bike and ride around for about 20 minutes then sneak back inside to catch a bit more sleep. i didn't tell anyone... i was ashamed. i still am ashamed. i was thinking about riding my bike around again... since i might have a more regular schedule... it would be easy to fit it in. and when these crazy food binges stop... maybe it will actually do some good.
my foots been hurting for the past couple days... i have a mini-limp. i told my mom about it, and she said that i might have a stress fracture. i don't know why... i haven't done anything harmful to myself...
okay. tomorrow, will be a good day. even if i am forced to go to class, i will sit. i will listen. i will learn. i want to try to enjoy my life...
it's like i know that dawn is right around the corner... but i'm paralyzed in the evening. and i have to wait in the dark.