Tumblr

Alright everyone... here we go

carlymreed.tumblr.com

i've been posting here for a little bit

you are welcome to have a look-see

C:

i did it...


i got a tumblr... C:

To-Do List

Today, I want to motivate myself... So here is what i am going to do...

Eat Breakfast
Go to my morning class
Write Jacob a letter
Transfer money from my savings to buy that horribly expensive film paper that I will use up in the blink of an eye
Buy the horribly expensive film paper (as well as some film)
If there is time, I will get myself a pair of sparkly shoes, because they make me feel glorious inside.
At some point around here, I will stuff my face with nourishing goodies. (probably just chocolate)
READ A BOOK!
-now... what to do here?-
somewhere around here, my family will come home
and I will eat with them...
before i head off to my night class and afterwards
I will go to sleep

what i would give

for an experience like this

i want to empty my mind. just get rid of all of the fear, and doubt, and insecurities....

i want to invite the universe to fill that empty space
with whatever if feels would be the most helpful to the
world around me (and to my own mental health)

i want to make myself available to being uncomfortable

i'm feeling really alone tonight...

so fresh and so clean C:

guess who is employed C:

that's right.

me!

i am officially a receptionist for a lawyer

i'm feelin' awesome

take that 2011!

today my car broke down.

but i'm not going to think about it.
i'm not going to dwell on that, or any of the other awful things that have happened this year.

tonight, i'm going to take a bath. and watch scrubs. and put a mud mask on my face

and i will play with my cat


and i will be happy

yes please?

Super-cat

My cat just saved my life.

Technically, my mom did too, but right now, i think i'm more impressed with the cat...

Tonight, I had decided that I was going to clean under my bed. Which is a task that I resign myself to every few weeks or so. I like for things to be neat and tidy. So I was pulling out the various suitcases and books, and other objects that had somehow managed to lodge themselves underneath my mattress. Just as I was reaching to pull out a bicycle shoe I saw it. It was skittering across the carpet poised and ready to strike.

Spider.

I quickly withdrew my hand and shut my eyes, praying that it wouldn't be there when I opened them again. But no! it was there! Watching me as I tried to regain my composure! I scooted backwards a ways in order to formulate some sort of plan. Then, as if he knew I was in mortal danger, my cat comes sauntering by my bedroom door. I coerced him into coming closer and pointed him in the direction of my nemesis. Immediately he attacked! Batting with his clawless feet, forcing the monster to retreat into the deepest corners of the underworld. (By underworld, I mean under my bed). I started to panic, what if my cat gave up the chase! What if the spider would lie in wait, planning his revenge? How would I sleep knowing that at any moment he could make his move?

At this point, my mom entered the room and got down on the floor to watch the fight.

I was trying to support my dear furry friend, removing obstacles where the menace could hide. I used my trusty hanger to pull old handbags from the corner, knowing that he would appreciate the advantage.

My mom suggested that I should get a flashlight so that we could see who was winning.

Somehow that crafty spider managed to hide himself so well that neither me or my cat could discover his sinister location. But the cat did not give up the chase! He kept at it and spun himself in circles awaiting to see if the spider would resurface. And indeed he did. The cat managed to chase him into the light. My mother, knowing my paralyzing fear, took it upon herself to remove the spider from my presence.

We shall raise our feline friend on our shoulders for this glorious victory! He who refused to give up, even when circumstances looked so bleak, he shall be rewarded for his service.

Even now, he is purring contentedly underneath my bed. Such bravery... I am proud.

Uhm... try rephrasing that.

Recently, an old boyfriend of mine contacted me on Facebook. Not that this is a big deal, or that it doesn't happen to quite a few people... but this particular ex was not very nice to me. Anyway, long story short, I didn't expect to ever hear from or talk to him again.
After a few weeks of being "friends" he sent me a message. So I sent one back, and he replied. There is nothing substantial in these messages at all. It pretty much consists of -
"Hey, what's up?"
"Nothing, what's up with you?"
But with the added bonus of the awkwardness that comes from people who haven't spoken in a long time.

Anyway in the reply message that he sent me, he said, " and yeah, you're looking all different and beautiful lol".
Now, the thing is, I'm not sure how I am supposed to take this. Is it really just a happy message between two people where one is commenting on the changed looks of the other? Is he trying to put the moves on me? Did he put the "lol" in there to make it seem like it wasn't any comment worth taking seriously? Who knows... but I'll tell you how I interpreted that comment.

Everyone goes through an awkward phase right? And mind just so happened to have happened at the time when I knew this kid. I was kind of chubby and awkward. A little shy... but of course massively self-conscious. I try not to think about this phase of my life. It isn't healthy to dwell on it.

If he had said, "You look different". I probably wouldn't have minded, because it's true. I do look different. So does he. That is just a fact.
If he had said, "You are looking beautiful". I probably would have been a little weirded out. I'm not sure if I would have thought much about it. I might have thought something like, oh he is just trying to be a nice guy, isn't that nice.
But to put the two together, especially the one in front of the other... It kind of makes it seem like he thought I was ugly. Or at least a little unfortunate looking. And then to have the "lol" thrown in there. Like the whole thing is one of those comments people make when whoever they are talking with is in on the same joke as they are. Like, "oh we both know how you used to look, haha, it is so great that you look different now, 'cause man you were kind of a train wreck before, hahahaha..."
Even if it's true, that doesn't make it fun to hear other people say it.

Am I thinking about this too much? Probably.... It just bothered me is all...

What do you think?