i've been feeling rather paralyzed lately. like i can't do anything. or i shouldn't even try to do anything. i was sitting in my room this morning. just sitting. i was in the chair. staring at the wall. just.. there. it took me a minute to snap out of whatever zone i was in. but the thoughts in that zone. were not good. and it's taken me pretty much all day to dwell on other things.
am i just unmotivated? is everything going to get better once school starts? is it just today?
i have no passion for anything right now... all of the things that i enjoy doing. or that i did enjoy doing, i don't anymore. being home, just drains me of everything good and beautiful. i'm getting so frustrated with myself. i don't feel like i know who i am anymore. i feel so empty.
i've been cooking lately. and by lately i mean. today and yesterday. and by cooking i mean, salads. i made a pasta salad last night. and a potato salad today. it's been really calming. for those times. and i figure. there are worse things, i could be spending my time on. and if i'm going to feel fat and ugly. i might as well know what's getting me there.
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