realization

i'm really glad that today happened. i guess lately, i haven't really been feeling like me. i've been stuck in this land of purposelessness and doubt. and just scary thoughts. and i've been here pretty much since i came back from connecticut. i hate feeling useless... and i'm thinking that maybe i'm finally snapping out of whatever funk i've been in.

maybe i was just depressed. i don't know. i don't like saying that though. because usually people go to extremes. but really, depression is having 4 or more of these symptoms every day for 2 weeks.

* Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (i.e., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite
* Insomnia or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) nearly every day
* Feeling restless or sluggish to the point that others notice
* Fatigue or loss of energy
* Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt
* Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness
* Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal thoughts without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide
(so says http://www.abilify.com/depression/about/about-living-with-depression.aspx?TC=95995&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=research&utm_term=depression&utm_content=rsymptom_textad_about-living-with-depression_text_tc95995)

but it's only been a week. and now i'm feeling okay. so does it not count? or am i just saying depression, because i don't know what else to call it? but really, this has been off and on pretty much all summer. what the heck is happening?

ugh, well whatever it is. hopefully it's over.