dread

i am at home
NOT at bma like i should be
friday morning i woke up kind of nauseous
but i took some charcoal and an advil
and thought nothing of it.
i was a little queesy the ride up
but i was like... eh
we stopped at taco bell
but i couldn't eat anything
because my throat was being a pain
but we were so close
so i got dropped off
and i was hanging out with pookie
and jeff and kyle and them
i got to see nikki
and i was okay
but then we went to Wendy's
and you know how it is when someone
buys you something, and you have to
eat it because you feel
obligated
well, that's how it was
and i think that's what did me in
we went back to Danika's around 5
and i fell asleep on her couch
because i couldn't sit up
i was so tired
when i woke up
i had to make numerous trips to the bathroom
and i couldn't do the car ride over
so i stayed at her house for the
meeting and was sleeping
and bathroom tripping the whole time
i felt really awful about it too
because the Gallatin's are so nice
i love them to pieces and i didn't want to in convene
them, so i called my dad and we worked out for my
brother to come and pick me up so then
i slept until around 10 when chad called
and was like, 'i'll be there in like a half hour'
so i walked out to the living room to tell them
and then i grabbed my pillow and chilled on the
couch with all of them until he got there
when he arrived i grabbed my stuff and walked outside
no sooner had i stepped out
i started vomiting
when i stopped i walked over to a car
and sat down
turns out
it wasn't his car so i had to stand up again...
but i laid down in the back seat
and we drove home
i slept for an hour
but then chad started
getting tired
so we talked for the rest of the way
so he wouldn't fall asleep
but we got home okay
and i went to bed

now i'm awake
and very sad
i think the day care made me sick
those little kids hardly ever wash
their hands unless you tell them to
and then when they do, they just run them under
the faucet unless you do it for them.... anyway
the whole reason i went down to bma
was to see all of the people that i might not see
again.
i saw a few of them
but i didn't get to see
peter or pooper
and i had to tell them
that i was there but leaving
i keep having these dreams
where i'm running around
trying to find
people who would be willing
to pay for me
so that i could go back my senior
year.
i might not get to
my whole bma experience
has been sort of stressful
because every time i turn around
it's, 'oh we might have to take you
out because we don't have enough money
to keep you there, so keep having fun
but just remember that it might be
the last time'
but the truth is, i don't think i'm going
back this time
we really don't have the money
my dad doesn't have a job
and we can't pay the bills as it is
so what happens if i don't
ever see them again?
sigh... i think i'm a little too stressed
i'm going to go
take a bath or something
and drink some orange juice
maybe that'll help