mini-breakdown

i cried today.
a lot... i think it was most likely in part because i didn't sleep last night. i did a little bit. but probably way less than an hour.
and of course lack of sleep makes one undeniable susceptible to bouts of sadness.
despite the new revelations of late, i'm not really sure that they were the only reasons for this therapeutic venture
i think, i've been waiting to cry for quite some time. and it all finally caught up with me. i haven't really been able to let it all out.
and today i finally did.
i sat in the shower and just sobbed, then i sat on the couch and sobbed some more. and i called pookie and bawled my eyes out....

and i feel good

i haven't gotten all of the tiny little pieces out, they're still floating around, but right now. i'm very calm. i'm very relaxed (i'm very tired)

lately, i haven't really been able to verbalize what's been going on inside my head. and i'm hesitant to try and talk with people, i'm scared that maybe these huge misery's of mine are only small and minuscule in the eyes of others. i don't think it's fair of me to talk or complain about all of my silly trifles. i guess in a way, i've sort of been distancing myself from communication.

as a change of pace, i drew today. it's a simple pen sketch, but the style is completely different from anything that i had ever done before. i really enjoyed the symbolism behind it. i've been thinking about different modes of transference for my feelings, and simple objects (probably because i've been reading asher lev of late) well, enough for tonight
i think i'm going to try and go to bed early (earlier) even though i've been napping throughout the day. i'm so exhausted. crying takes a lot out of you...