down where?

i made my cover today... for my book. and there is a very blurry picture of it... i put a pocket in the back. and it's two pieces sewed together. i did a back stitch around the edge in this maroon thread. i was originally going to make the tree black, but i'm kind of glad that i went with brown. i used a reference, but they don't look the same. i needed the basic tree shape, and i got some of the swirls, but then i messed up, so i just did whatever. i'm almost finished with the book. i just need to make a few more pieces of paper, and then i'll get to figure out how to bind it all together. joy..?

my sister got mad at me today because i wouldn't let her watch tv. (even though she had spent most of the day in front of it) i wanted her to find something else to do with her time. she had also spent a considerable amount of time at the computer, so i told her that she couldn't do that either. does that make me mean? does that make me a horrible person? because i wouldn't let her rot out her eyes? i worry for her a lot. she doesn't like to make decisions. maybe that's not such a bad thing. but i shouldn't have to tell her what she should do. she's 9 years old. shouldn't she be able to start making decisions like, i want to go play with my friends or, i want to draw a picture. when she's with her friends, she can figure things out, but without them, she's like a doll. i have to pull the strings. and i'm scared. "i love her, i don't want her to turn out like me"

today was quite rough for me. she woke me up. which i guess shouldn't bother me, but i didn't get to bed last night until around the 4 to 5 ish area. and i knew that i was going to be alone with her today. but the last time she just chilled out, read, watched some cartoons until i woke up. so naturally, i thought things were going to go the same way. unfortunately i guess she freaked out this morning or something, but mom told her that if i wasn't up by 11 she needed to come and wake me up. wrong wrong wrong. she woke me up. i was so unhappy. it threw off my whole day. i was cranky and irritable, and i was really depressed. there was a monster in me today.

tonight, i'm probably going to end up crying and listening to the national... i'm seriously not okay right now. " you might need me more than you think you will, come home in the car you love, brainy brainy brainy"