passions..

i've been trying to figure out
what my passions are for the past few weeks or so

this whole ordeal has been more on the depressing side, because i don't feel like it should have taken me this long to figure it all out. what makes me laugh. what makes me cry.? addressing the first, everything. everything makes me laugh. people, places, things, awkward situations, jokes, sarcasm... does this make me passionate about any single one of them? i would say no, it just makes me very susceptible to humor. addressing number two, everything. people, places, things, awkward situations, jokes, sarcasm... they all make me cry. i doubt that makes me any more passionate about those things either.

so far the only thing that i can come up with is the collaborative efforts of simple things, turned into more complicated things... symbolism i guess. i feel so weird saying that though. "what are you passionate about?" "oh symbolism"... right. but in a way, i guess it's true. i don't think i have ever done anything at all without having some hidden meaning behind it. not in the dictator style, more subtle. like my pictures. or my awful poems that i sometimes people have the misfortune of reading. or the songs that i chose to sing... (or the notebook that i just made...)which in a way, is why i am so fascinated by jakob daw (a fictional character)... why i love fairy tales so much. or why i hate it when people write poetry and then explain what they're trying to say before i have the chance to even read the poem. but then again, isn't a passion supposed to be something that you share with other people? can i really count this if i have never really told anyone at all about my secret shame? no. i don't think so....

which leaves me back at square one, all over again.
i don't think finding them is so much the problem. sharing them with other people though, might be a little more difficult. if you were to ask me what i loved to do, what made me strong. i could probably tell you... i love to draw pictures, i love singing... there is this incredible emotional high both during and after... i love writing letters... (silly i know, but you should've seen me while i was getting together Andrew Bird's) but how do you label something like any of those.. into a single category?

and give a speech on them?

besides... i don't think i can really count them as passions, like with the symbolism haha... if i am not sharing it with other people.. does it really count?
the things that i enjoy doing, are not necessarily what i am known for. or maybe i have been living in my own head for way too long.