yo-ugly

i went running with nikki tonight
because, i think i should be starting to get a little more active...
and because i really would like to shed a few.
since summer, i've been steadily putting on weight.
and everything that i try isn't working.
and my clothes are fitting more awkward now, and
i feel fat in them.
all of them
there's nothing that i can or want to wear anymore
everything makes me feel like a bloated buffalo
and i really hate it
so i decided that i am going to
1. stay away from sweet thing (especially at night)
2. eat breakfast
3. and of course eat smaller portions
it seems like a good plan right?
well i really want to go running at least 3 times a week, i know i'm not disciplined enough to make it every day... because i'm a loser, and i can't
but, even after doing all of this
i feel the same.
the only thing that is happening, is i'm getting more large
and more dense...
and i really really don't like it right now.
so i was thinking maybe i'll just go for breakfast
and a really large lunch.
and water...
that would probably suit me better.
or maybe cereal at night... something light, like special k
and if all of the machines weren't broken in the dorms i would
go ahead and use those, but they are... so it's kind of unrealistic...
i really hate what i've become...
i'm very disgusted with myself right now...
and nikki has my notebook.
and i want it back.
:/