between two rocks

i've been very dissapointed today

sometimes, i wish that i had the ability to NOT feel the urge to release all moisture via my face. i wish that i was someone else that i could laugh at, and tell them how ridiculously pathetic and disgusting the feelings are.

currently, i'm still looking for a body pillow. there's a story behind that. back in the day when i was a larger idiot than i am now. i was in a relationship that was unnecessary and decietful. while that was on the fast track to no where, the person whose attention's i desired, made me a body pillow. a very fluffy pillow of my dreams body pillow. however, when the tracks ran out, and the relationship ran head first into a brick wall, i was no longer able to use the pillow, because the disgust i felt for the person was so great, it stressed me out, and the pillow was no longer performing the task it was designed for. so i ripped it apart, and have not been able to sleep well since. well... i wasn't able to sleep well before that either.
but i still really would like to get a body pillow.
or maybe just a giant teddybear...
or maybe just prince charming...
nevermind. i just want to sleep well... :(