one of those girls

every boy wants a holly golightly. or and edie sedgewick. or a franny. every boy want's the kind of girl with the oscar wilde sense of humor. the girl who says things that sound silly, but you know they mean more than the words. the type of girl they can't quite figure out. the one who refuses to tell you her secrets, but when she does, he know's he'll never forget. not in a million years. the type of girl who's unmistakably beautiful, graceful, tiny. the type of girl who's bold. who will fall asleep on his shoulder with very little clothing, trusting that he won't take advantage. the type of girl who will take risks. the kind of girl who will never be ordinary.

every girl wants to be a holly golightly. or an edie sedgewick. or a franny. but we're not.

i would be the kind of girl to wear mens shirts and leggings if i had the body for it. i wouldn't wear make up if i had the face to go without it. i wouldn't wear eyeliner if i didn't have my fathers eyes. i wouldn't want to lose weight if i had a regular looking body.

my body is a cage. (and every time i listen to that song, i tear up) the person i want to be, is stuck inside my head. and i can't let them out, because the inside and the outside don't match. and no, you can't just do it anyway. because as much as you say the insides are more important, you have to get to know the insides. you can't just see them when you walk up.

i will never be tiny. that's what i've wanted my whole life. i've wanted to be small. someone that you could carry around in your pocket. big is not beautiful.