forsooth

i feel really unstable right now. like i'm suspended in slow motion... like nothing fits quite right. there are all of these things whirring around my head, and the colors are so bright... but there's no one to help me. there's no one to tell me where i should be. the ground keeps moving. and every step takes so much effort, as if every time i lift up my foot, a piece of my soul breaks. and i'm empty. i get that catch in my throat like i'm falling, i keep waiting to hit the ground, for things to get clear. for my eyes to stop burning. but things just keep getting worse and worse. i feel abandoned. i don't want to be alone, i'm so scared that you'll leave me... i need you to catch me. to hold me for a while. there's so much noise, and it's so loud but i can't hear. i feel like i'm doing something wrong. like my whole being isn't really worth anything at all. i keep tossing back and forth hoping that it's just tonight... that it's just this moment, and the next will be better, and i'll be able to breathe. but my mind just doesn't enjoy computing these possibilities. keeps throwing these things down and laughing at me... pointing. putting me on display and mocking my misery. stripping me of everything pure.