some aftermath

so, i didn't make it to canada. i didn't even make it out of pennsylvania. after about 135 miles, i burned out. and i'm really upset. i want to feel like i'm okay with my decision. but at the same time, i really wish that i could have made it. i feel like such a failure. maybe there are a lot of different factors to consider though. i felt really awful for making peter struggle with me. maybe i should've just dealt with it. but i just felt so horrible. he would stay behind with me while i was wheezing my way over hills. i couldn't take it. my legs were just so finished... and dan would go racing on ahead... i just.. i didn't feel like i belonged. i felt inferior. and i didn't want to feel like i was ruining their summer. so i left. in a nutshell, that is what went down. and now i get to explain to everyone that it just didn't work out.
there must be some good though. right? i went biking and camping for four days. with all of the training and preparation and such, i probably have somewhere around 200 miles conquered.

i'm really hoping that i don't just fade out this summer. i was really looking forward to spending time with peter, but now it looks like that's not going to happen. he tried so hard to keep my spirits up. i'm just sorry i'm not someone else, maybe it would've worked. i don't want to be a quitter.

i don't want to dwell on the negatives. yes, it would've been nice to continue, but maybe i should just look ahead, towards my future. i'll get to spend time with peter when he gets back, and i'll get to bug him about stories. i get to go to michigan in november.

i just need a little sunshine.