death of a

"the world is full of beds, and most of the beds are full of women"

i read the plot summary for "gone with the wind" today... maybe i shouldn't have. i just feel so much pain for Rhett

i was drifting in and out of a little mini depression today.
i ended up spending a significant amount of time with my aunt's dog, cleo
we are baby-sitting for a week or so because tracy decided to go down to north
carolina, and my grandma who normally watches cleo, went too. so.
i was very content sitting outside while cleo licked my face and jumped on my lap.
it's so strange, because i used to be so scared of dogs. but she just looked so sad.. i wanted to just hold her for a while... maybe this is a sign.
or a transition or something...
i couldn't help but think of how much i would enjoy having a dog... not a big one, but one of those little fluffy rambunctious ones...
although the poor dog... i would probably name it puppy

sometimes, i feel like i give people the wrong perception... i read some pages of my yearbook last night... and i was really surprised... i guess, i really don't understand how they could ever see me like that. i don't get it... i'm not really anything out of the ordinary. i hate feeling like i'm somehow deceiving people.

i'm trying to finish a picture of an elephant... and i just can't stay concentrated on it.... i really want to get it done, but i don't want to miss out on all of the important little details... i have considered just leaving it unfinished. but for my first elephant, in a series.... i don't think i can...
ugh. stupid stupid