cini-minis

"Compelling art to me is a name carved into a tree. Sometimes a rock soaring through a plate of glass can be the most beautiful, compelling work of art I have ever seen." barry mcgee

i've been thinking .... that i really want to learn how to paint. i've never done it before. i really want to learn how. i have this vision in my head of the perfect painting. the one picture that could symbolize everything. that could BE everything. but i don't know how to do it. i'm so excited about this pottery class. i can't wait to be elbow deep in my mind. i love the idea of creating for a living. but i know. that if it was my month to month paycheck. i would hate it. i would abolutely detest it. i know that i would procrastinate. and i would end up becoming a hermit. i love creating... but on my own time... i want to be around people. i want to share. i want to love.
but it feels like... whatever i decide to do, i'm going to need to go to school. i can't stand this. i hate this idea of sitting in a classroom. cramming for exams. there are so many things that i would try to explore, but the idea of school just exhausts me. i would rather go and be an apprentice somewhere. i want to learn one on one. with an actual person. not some teacher-drone. i like waitressing. i really do. it's one of the best things that i've ever been able to do. but i want to do other things too...
i feel a little stuck. i feel smooshed.