AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

i know i don't want it, i know i don't want it
i know i don't want it...

i feel baited in a way.
the other night, we talked
because i'm an idiot
and i still want to feel like someone
cares about me
it was both good and bad...
good because i needed to tell him
the truth.
bad, because now i'm not really sure what
to think about it..
about any of it.
i know it's wrong. i know it's wrong!
but he's so convincing when he wants to be..
and i'm not sure if im willing to walk away
but i need to.
and i have.
but it still hurts..
mostly because i DON'T want to
and he's leaving these little messages everywhere
i don't even know if they're for me..
probably not.. but i want them to be.
i want things to be different
i want him to be different.

ugh. i hate this...
i do, i hate all of it
i hate sitting here
crying over something that's never going to get
fixed....
i hate wanting it to be fixed...
i hate hating it...

i just want it all..to go away
to just leave. but then, i don't
because i don't want him to go away.
it's not his fault.