release

the time has come, for me to accept the fact. that i am a jerk. i know i have said this before, but let me explain... a few weeks ago, we were supposed to have picked our bel canto dresses... and we did. i was out voted 5 to 1. yes i was a smidge peeved. but i got over it right?
well, we got the dresses yesterday (let me just say that yesterday was an incredibly awful day for me)so when we got the dresses, it was like "ugh i can't believe how ugly they are" and i was incredibly free with my opinions. i was upset. i was frustrated. but i was too critical. i realize that i made a mistake. it was not the best thing to do. as is evidence by the offense that i caused a friend of mine. i called to apologize. but as these things often go, she didn't really accept it. she said everything was fine. but i saw her today and it's not how they seem. i will believe her. and not assume that she is still mad at me. but, it's hard not to. i feel very stuck. also because we're voting whether or not to keep the dresses today. and if they get revoked. how will she feel? it didn't help that i was the one trying to organize the whole thing. like i said. i am a jerk. so i stepped down. and now i will just be one of the masses. i will vote. share my opinion when necessary. but i still feel really awful about what happened... i don't know how to fix it. it seems as if i'm being unnecessarily disgusting lately.

i found The Glass Menagerie in the library a few days ago, and found a part that i related to completely.
the son is entirely frustrated by his mother, and after too much, he simply explodes, screaming this.

"i'm going to opium dens! Yes opium dens of vice and criminal hangouts, mother i've joined the Hogan gang, I'm a hired assassin, i carry a tommy gun in a violin case! i run a string of cat hoses int he valley. they call me killer. killer wingfield. i'm leading a double-life a simple honest warehouse worker by day, by night a dynamic czar of the underworld mother. i go to gambling casino's, i spin away fortunes at the roulette table. i wear a patch over one eye and a false mustache, sometimes i put on green whiskers. on those occasions they call me el diablo! oh i could tell you many issued to make you sleepless. my enemies plan to dynamite this place. they're going to blow us all sky-high some night! i'll be glad, very happy. and so will you! you'll go up on a broom stick over blue mountain with seventeen gentlemen callers. you ugly babbling witch!"

and while he's yelling, he breaks his sisters glass menagerie...
and he regrets. he mourns. his mistakes.

and this is pretty much how i reacted... except about dresses
not... drugs...