because we are beautiful

and we go to the zoo.

gone.

"like yesterday IS gone, like history IS gone. the world keeps spinnin' on. you're going going gone..." oh man. the other day i tried to listen to all of those switchfoot songs that i absolutely adored when i was younger. but i couldn't handle it. i got sick of them. i ended up flipping through the whole arsenal. maybe it's time i let them go. fly free.

good news though. the lump on my neck has disappeared. maybe for good? i hope so.

today's my day off. i'm going bowling. with my lover. haha, just kidding. with my chrystal. C:

yesterday, it rained. like crazy. right after i pulled into the development, it started with the buckets. indeed. i ran up to the house, and was soaked. it took me 5 seconds. it rained like that for like 25-30 minutes. which isn't good news. because that means -flooding-. after it had let up a little bit i was going to go to whole foods (because we have no food.) but i got down the road, and saw my brother wading through this huuuuge puddle. so i turned back towards the house, and decided to call it quits. my brother's car stopped working... which means that i am without a car until someone gets home. which means, i can't get food. arg.

it's raining

the thunder made the house shake.

me too.

but i loved it.

now if only there was something to eat.

lump.

yesterday, i woke up, and there was a lump on my neck. i wasn't sure how long it had been there. or why it decided to show up... i know that i haven't been sleeping in the most desirable positions. at least not positions that would be helpful for the comfort of my neck... i wake up in the middle of the night with awful kinks. but i didn't think anything of it. i slept on a couch over the weekend. but. would that make a bubble? i showed my parent's. my mom think's it might be a swollen tendon or gland or something. but it's circular. which lead's me to believe it is not. (it's also only on one side...) my dad said it might be a cyst. he had one a few years ago on his finger. it got really large, and they had to cut it out. i remember. he still has a scar. my brother said it's cancer. and i know he's kidding. but i'm really freaking out. what if it doesn't go away. what if i need to get it removed. what if it really is cancer. what if it spreads. currently. it's the size of a dime. i can wiggle it around. and it's uncomfortable when someone puts pressure on it. it doesn't "hurt" at least not very badly. but it's not exactly the most pleasant feeling either. sigh. should i go to the doctor? (if i go to the doctors office, i might as well get my feet checked out as well)

Passion

What are you passionate about?

i do, what makes me feel strong, what i feel like has an impact on other souls. Things that make me feel ridiculous, and fill me with joy.

What will you do with the rest of your life?

I'm going to write stories on the back of napkins and draw pictures on cardboard... and leave them for strangers

Why is art meaningful to you?

Art invokes feeling. Feelings have the power of bringing everyone together and also giving us the comfort of individuality. We do not need the same feeling to appreciate art. What matters is that we are all feeling together.

when i say something dumb. something that i know is offensive. something that i know that i don't mean. something that would never escape my face if i was awake. i tend to dwell on it. i can't let it go. it's like i'm slapping myself. because that is the kind of thing that i want to distance myself from. to run as far away as physically and mentally possible. and it just comes back. creeps up, and shoots out like some internal death ray. and right now i just want to cry. because these things never need to be said. or thought. and they're all in my head.